he said/ she said

It’s 6.45pm. Kareena has been sitting on the bed all day, right in the centre. There is an N95 mask next to her, pants that have a coin sized turmeric stain next to the back pocket, her phone that fell an hour ago and suffered a scratch, a neon green diary gifted by a friend she doesn’t speak to anymore, and her underused polaroid camera with 2 more films remaining.

She is clearly not having  a good day.

“Is this amusing to you?” She asks, grinding her teeth in frustration.

The thing about Kareena is—she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which she later learned is given to women 80% of the time. Modern-day hysteria, rebranded and peer-reviewed. So now, every time she gets angry, she has to wonder: am I unwell or is he just a man?

Most days, however, the math is simple.

Kareena shuts her laptop lid in anger, slightly careful so as to not break her recently serviced screen.“Is this fucking amusing to you, I asked?” she snaps.

Gulzar sits up, alert, not staring at his phone anymore.

“Baby, I literally said nothing,” he replies, his voice soft, almost cautious.

“That’s exactly what my problem is. When the fuck do you say anything,” Kareena mutters while typing.

“What do you want me to do?” he asks, bewildered.

“Fucking figure it out, dude!” she blurts.

“Woah. Okay. Why are you so—” he starts, hands half-raised.

“So? So? Angry? Crazy? Yes please label me crazy. Be a man. Be fucking predictable,” she fires back.

“I mean upset,” he says, trying to steady the moment.

“Upset! Classic. She’s yelling so poor girl is upset. Let me fucking hold her,” she mocks.

“Hey. Do you want me to leave? Because I don’t think I am helping,” he offers, gently.

“I need to go,” she says, pushing herself off the bed.

“Okay,” he answers, too quickly.

“OKAY? Rich. I need some fucking air,” she says, exasperated.

“I don’t understand,” he admits.

“I know, Gulzar. I fucking know you don’t,” she says, voice thinning.

“What can we do?” he asks, helpless.

“Just… leave me alone,” she murmurs.

“What happened suddenly?” he asks, genuinely confused.

Kareena stares at the wall. Distressed. Teary eyed.

“You know what? I’m tired of you,” she says, barely above a whisper.

“Oh that’s… a bit harsh, don’t you think,” he says, taken aback.

“But it’s true. It’s fucking true,” she says, her voice cracking.

“Baby, sit here. Come,” he urges, a little frustrated but composed.

“I don’t want to,” she says, pulling away.

“Okay. Okay,” he concedes, defeated.

There’s silence. Gulzar looks at Kareena and wipes her tears.

“I love you,” he says, softly.

Kareena doesn’t say a word.

“I love you, baby,” he repeats, voice smaller.

Kareena looks at him. Furious.

“Can you narrate the story of how you thought of the day we get married?” she asks, suddenly composed.

“Oh. Now?” he asks, thrown off.

“Yes. Do it,” she insists.

“Okay. Oh. That caught me off guard,” he says, trying to smile.

“Take your fucking time,” she adds, coldly.

“Um. Well,” Gulzar begins, clearing his throat, “I stand and wait for you. Everyone is waiting for the beautiful bride to enter. I say hey, where is she? Your father is already teary eyed, waiting for his princess for her big day. Your mother gestures that you’re about to enter. I get ready to welcome you. And there you are. Walking towards me. I gasp, unable to believe you’re mine. You smile. Walk towards me. Time stands still. Your eyes, your lips, you. Everything looks pristine. Like a temple. You come close and I offer my hand. You take it. I say, ‘you look beautiful.’ I say ‘I love you.’ I ask you ‘will you marry me?’ as I go down on one knee. Again. And there—”

“And what do I say?” Kareena asks, voice flat, unreadable.

“What?” Gulzar says, blinking.

“What do I say, Gul?” she repeats, firmer.

“Um. I… I… I don’t know, baby.”, he admits.

Kareena stares at him silently. Gulzar lowers his gaze.

Silence.

Kareena cups his face in her palm. Looks at him gently through her tears, “I know you don’t. You never did.”

Love,

K